Dear Tongue Tied,
I'm not sure where to begin here, but I will do my best.
You were persistent, but in an aloof way. You would ask plans and I would be busy or reschedule and then you would not respond. I assumed you didn't care.
I'm not not sure how long it had been from the first Tinder chat to what I can only describe as the most awkward interaction I've ever encountered, but for arguments sake lets say 6 weeks. Persistent.
I finally agree and prior to our "date" find you on Facebook through our mutual friend. You were cute in some pictures and not in others. Couldn't put my finger on it. I considered canceling, but I don't do flaky so I follow through.
I see you standing out front from half a block away and smile. Not terrible, but if you approached me at a bar I would not be interested. When I said hi and went in for the ice breaking warm hug you FREEZE UP. Aw.
A few days ago when the bar was suggested there was something familiar about it to me. I had a slight inkling an ex fling worked there. Lesson learned in ignoring instincts. We walk in and sure enough who greets us? Pretty Lights. (Met him backstage blacked out at a Pretty Lights show in December) May as well get two awkward situations out of the way at once. "I was going to call you. I finally finished a table." Don't care. He's trying to make furniture...so is every other hipster.
It is very apparent how we know each other. This may or may not have added to Tongue Tied's nerves.
I can tell when a boy is nervous on a date, but I have never experienced someone literally not being able to form complete sentences. I try my absolute best to be nice and engaging, but this is painful to watch. After nursing your first beer you gulp the second and house the third. At least it loosened you up a bit.
I on the other hand do not have an empty glass at any point. Well done Pretty Lights.
You smelled as though you hadn't showered in a few days. Your greasy hair confirmed that. I'm confused how a journalist can not speak, but perhaps hiding behind paper is safe.
I almost feel bad writing about you Tongue Tied, but here is it. I honestly wish you luck in this game of life, because it's a rough world out there.
Pretty Lights gchatted me the following day asking if that was an OK Cupid date. I lied and said I was doing a friend a favor by boosting this kid's confidence. Attempt at saving some face.
Two weeks later I find Pretty Lights on Tinder. I gave him a <3 for old time's sake and emailed him about it. Some girl told him that she wanted him to make her c*m and change her panties in front of him. LOL.
xoxo
BWinTBC
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