Tinder Take 19: Mr. Darcy

Dear Mr. Darcy,

We have 6 friends in common.  I happen to like them all, especially the two who are my best friends so currently the odds are in your favor.

We both come in hot out the gate on a Friday night.  I already have plans so this will have to wait, but I express my confidence in our future fun.  

Some prodding around through the weekend and it's finally decided that we both want a lazy Sunday complete with specific party favors, lack of loneliness, and perhaps a couple adult beverages all while watching copious amounts of Netflix.  But only if we were not complete strangers.

A few hours of discussing later and you bite the bullet and invite yourself over only for me to agree.  Sounds like the beginning of a horror movie with the lead being me the dumb blond.  

You brought Xanax over.  I love you.  Usually this would have been the first down the hatchet, but with work the next day and me being on my second Makers on the rocks I regretfully decline.

We sit around trying to get sports apps to download so you can watch some game.  Then you really out do yourself.  You set up HBO GO on my Apple TV.  Double love you now.  

We order pizza, almost finish my Makers, and have a great night complete with an adventure for ice cream in the snow.  We had the munchies, lay off.  I won't mention the other items we purchased, but let's say we had a good laugh with the men behind the counter.  Or you did rather with them while I blushed and wanted to disappear.

In conclusion, you have a southern accent, like to be decadent, have a car, and were nice to me.  I win again!  I can tell this is going to be a ridiculous ride and I'm ready to hold on tight.  

PS: Watching East Bound and Down has made it very easy to stay in this week.

xoxo,

BWinTBC

Tinder Take 18: Tinder Spice

Dear Tinder Spice,

I do not remember you in the original group, but I think you would have given Geri a run for her money.

We were supposed to go out on a Saturday, but I overdid it Wednesday, Thursday, AND Friday so instead of showing up looking haggard I canceled.  You moved that day so I'm sure that was a relief.

You tell me you are a spice trader during our texting.  How old school.  Very intrigued.  Picturing Christopher Columbus, but the Jersey version with his dog who is wearing sunglasses in one of the Tinder pictures.  Nailed it.

We finally agree to go to a whiskey bar we have both wanted to try.  Menu was fantastic.  We keep agreeing to get round after round.  I usually get some kind of judging feeling at this point, but I like that I'm not.  Yes please, one more round.

After going through 2 servers we settle up and start walking.  After several blocks and passing the Path Train (we'll get to that) I ask where we're headed.  You suggest a dive bar - with emphasis on it being a dive in the West Village that you frequent.  I'll fall for champagne and oysters any day of the week, but I'm much more comfortable in this setting.

Back to mention of the Path train.  For you out of towners, this goes to New Jersey.  Big no no.  Within the first 5 minutes Tinder Spice let's me know that he not only works in Hoboken, but also lives there.  I would never have agreed had he told me this prior.  In hindsight I'm still a bit torn, but I am happy he waited.  Good guy.  Let's also not forget the part where he is the 5th generation in line to owning his family spice trading company.  I like it.

So we continue to said dive bar.  He wasn't kidding.  This place is fantastic.  The elderly lady behind the bar knows him by name and we continue our drink for drink a thon with Makers on the Rocks.  At one point he expresses his surprise that I can keep up.  Not sure this is the greatest trait, but better than throwing up in my dinner I suppose.

I told my date before meeting that I had a 9:30 client walk through with my boss in soho the next morning.  My plan was to take it easy.  At approximately 3:45 AM we both decide to call it a night.  Oops.  

The next morning I slept through my alarm quite a bit, but still managed to meet in Soho at 9:45 and nail my meeting.  "Trains were messed up".  Usually works in NYC.

They should run tests on me and sell my blood for party fuel, because I don't know how I manage this at times.

All in all Tinder struck again.  Not only was Tinder Spice handsome and very sweet, but a lot of fun too.

Until this weekend....spice up your life!  (Pssst, that's a Spice Girls lyric)

xoxo,

BWinTBC

Tinder Take 17: Let's Make Music

Dear Music,

We text for a few weeks, which happens on occasion when all parties are busy.  We finally settle on a night and you suggest we see a show at Glasslands.  I like this already.  We meet up at a new bar I've been wanting to try in Williamsburg.  Well done again.  You seem a little nervous, but I think that's endearing and it always puts me at ease to know that I'm sitting next to someone who has emotions.

The band is great.  If you haven't seen Foxes I recommend them.  The chick who's the lead singer has a very sexy voice.

This is when the night gets blurry.  We're bourbon for bourbon and your weight is easily 2 of me.  An old flame, as we'll call him (winky face) and I were texting so this genius decides to meet up with him and a friend who I also know - yes with Music.  Can't really divulge too much of what happened at this point, because I don't remember.  I come around once we get to my apartment, but there is about 30% clarity still.

Although we both over served ourselves I wake up knowing I'm into you and want round 2.

He asks me out for a movie that Sunday.  Yay.  He also lives about a 10 minute walk from my apartment, which is HUGE in New York - especially Brooklyn.

Sunday's date was the first date I'd been on in a long time that felt normal and not a race to drunk town shag town.  Only oopsy I made was asking if he had ever been to Union Pool and apparently he had, with me, for tacos on the first date at my request.  Awesome.  

Now time for "date" three.  This one wasn't planned, but I was by his office after a freelance meeting so gave it a shot.  To make a long story short he has his own recording studio and it was....amazing.

I've been smitten at this point before so I'm not going to get too worked up about this one, but I'll admit to the butterflies in my stomach and the mind blowing chemistry.

Thanks again Tinder!

xoxo,

BWinTBC

Tinder Take 16: Featherweight

Dear Featherweight,

You're a photographer.  Cool.  You're Australian.  Cool.  You are a handsy drunk after three drinks.  Not so cool.

My turn.

We meet up in the East Village.  Get drinks and dinner and I don't remember going home.  Boring.

Fast forward.

You meet up with two of my friends and I who are hell bent on partying on Thanksgiving.  Yes, Thanksgiving.  Don't judge.  I assume you have friends with you, but nope.  We go to a bar and after being accosted by every man in there you let me dance with the girls and creepily watch from a table.  Not watch, but STARE.

We decide to call it a night at 3:30 at Le Baron, stumble around Chinatown alley's for a bit until I insist on us going home.  You leaving the next morning did not happen fast enough.  I'm not that lonely.

Not too much else to say, because you are just odd and too much into commenting on my looks, but good luck.  You won't be seeing this "fit" girl again.

xoxo,

BWinTBC

Tinder Take 15: Fly Boy

Dear Fly Boy,

You looked like a meat head in your pictures, which I don't do - but something caught my eye.  I'll try anyone once.  Not really.  

You work for a successful hotel group that specializes in design, which isn't a bad connection in regards to enhancing my Rolodex.  This is New York after all and we all use each other at least a little.  

The usual texting BS and jokes were on point for my sense of humor.  So far so good.  My response to your, "What are you looking for with Tinder" was "Adding to all the fun I'm having already."  What warm blooded man wouldn't like that response.

You inform me that you have to leave for a month for survival training Thursday (it's Monday at this point), because you are in the reserves as a pilot.  33 years old is a little past the prime for that no?  Not my concern.  What is my concern however is leaving you with a heaping dose of BWinTBC before Thursday.  Time to schedule wrangle.

We agree to meet at 9 in SOHO at some bar.  I dash home after work, get hot, and go on my merry way.  To paint you a picture - I am wearing a white frill hem dress and black pointy toe stiletto pumps that make my legs look insane.  I don't know much about meat head fly boys, but I can assume from our exchanges and from the stereotypes that I have nailed it on this particular occasion.  

Now for the date.  The second you opened your mouth I knew I was in for a night filled with ample amounts of testosterone.  We start down the street to find a new destination, because your "favorite bar" where we meet is now closed.  You ask if I'm ok to walk in my shoes (they wouldn't really do much for me if I couldn't), but I say yes politely and you pretty much high five yourself for being such a gentleman.  

We poke our heads in a few places that are all packed and then decide on some bar that is way too bright and with the level of enthusiasm you are displaying is almost too much for me.  Bourbon time.  You order a vodka soda, but upon realizing they serve PBR you switch your order.  Cool.  Not only do you out weight me easily by 100 lbs, but you are now going to basically drink water as I imbibe heavily.  F it.  This isn't the kind of date where I plan on concerning myself with sobriety.  

I don't get the amount of high fives in a month, hell a year, that I got on this date.  Imagine two frat brothers going out for beers to catch up.  They're quoting Anchorman and Stepbrothers while chest bumping and high fiving each other while finishing one another's sentences.  Now replace one frat brother with a petite cute blond from Texas.  That would be me and that is how this date went.  I decide I would like to un-bro it a bit so after two drinks I suggest somewhere "cooler".  

Wherever we went had one hell of a view and this is when my now 3 bourbons kick in.  Fly boy was on his 3rd beer.  We can imagine who was at what level of sobriety at this point in the date.    

I'll have to fast forward a bit here to keep it PG, but let's just say my delivery of good night at 2AM went something like this, "I've gotta peace out."  I'm not kidding.  I remember this clearly, because Fly Boy asked me to repeat myself with a stunned look on his face.  Albeit smiling stunned.  Ain't my first rodeo.  

The next morning I wake up with a sore tail bone and lump on the back of my head.  Remember Cher flipping her hair back in Cluless with Christian the cake boy in bed while watching Some Like it Hot and Spartacus, which resulted in a nice roll to the floor?  I did my best rendition.  

Fun fact readers!  This is the second time I've done this since June.  One last high five for good measure.     

As I'm leaving Fly Boy asks me if we'll hang out when he gets back.  I say yes.  It's not like I'm getting married in the next month and it was one hell of a ride....winky face.

Good luck being tortured in the wilderness for a month.  

xoxo,

BWinTBC

Tinder Take 2.1: The Little Bulldog

Dear LB (aka Sauna),

I've had an unspoken rule of sorts that I do not double down on my Tinder posts.  Reasoning is that I see some redeeming quality in you and out of respect leave it at post one.  Rules are meant to be broken.

Last night I meet up with you and four other gentlemen at a lovely establishment by your apartment.  Your roommate is one of these characters who I have met twice prior.  He asks, "Who are you" promptly upon returning from the bathroom from what I can only assume was for extra curricular activities.  Let's politely say that roommate was wide eyed.  White candy, the male version (not the tart from Sir Slurs A Lot) proceeds to grill me.  I'm told this is what he does to people he likes and if he were paying no attention to me it would be a bad thing.  I throw it right back and we come to the conclusion that he's an only child.  No offense to the only children out there.  Some are perfect stereotypes and he is one of them.

We continue with a few beers and my grill session and LB takes a bathroom break.  This is when roommate crosses the line.  He says, "What are you doing?  You're pretty."  I inquire further even though I know where he is going with this.  Roommate bluntly asks why I'm dating LB, do I actually like him etc. etc.  These two boys grew up together and here is his roommate making comments about how he can't hit on someone his "friend" is dating.  Well done roommate.  Haven't met an ass clown like you in quite some time.

You may be thinking, ok BWinTBC so what.  Story isn't over.

The three of us leave to go back to their apartment.  I go down to LB's room to use the bathroom and LB attempts to come in.  Girls behind locked doors are there for a reason.  Let them be.  After I let him in he runs himself a bath and gets in.  Can you say you've seen a grown man splash around in a bathtub at 1:00 AM on a Monday?  I can.

After attempting to pull me into the tub (I'm fully clothed) he gives up and has me help him smoke from his pipe since his hands are wet.  I'm laughing so hard I'm crying at this point.  He's sliding around on his stomach ass up in a tub.  My parents have a similar picture of my brother and I in a tub...at ages 3 and 5 prospectively.

Hope your night was equally as eventful readers.  Until next time...

xoxo,
BWinTBC

Tinder Take 14.1: College Crush

Dear Crush,

Thanks for cleaning up my yard, buying me plants, and planting them.  Good luck with your temper.

I'm back kids. 

Ready.  Set.  Tinderrrrrrrrr!

xoxo,

BWinTBC